self-care

  • M is for mask, R is for resilience

     

    Last month we had JB’s first in-person medical appointment since quarantine began in March. JB needed to be re-fitted for leg braces, as he’s (thankfully) grown a lot in the past year.

    “We thought we were just going to postpone this meeting for a few weeks until this whole pandemic blew over,” I said to the technician as he measured JB’s shins.

    “Didn’t we all!” he replied, chuckling.

    I think it’s safe to assume no one accurately predicted we’d be spending these past few months the way we have been.

    I often wonder what JB will remember about this time in his life. One day in May in his virtual preschool class, each child was asked to bring something starting with the letter “M” for show-and-tell. One boy brought a mask. As the students continued their “presentations” with as much focus as three-to-five year olds can muster, I had to turn away and take a deep breath. They are already unfazed by this, I thought. Kids are so freaking resilient! Why can’t we stay that way as adults?

    A few days later, I visited the local coffee shop for a much-needed Nutella iced latte. (Fun fact: If you get it with skim milk, it’s basically a health food.) This was my first time going out since my state required masks to be worn in public. As I put on my mask for the first time, I got a weird squirmy feeling in my gut. “This is the new normal,” I thought. I took a selfie before getting in my car, so I’d remember the moment.

    Fast forward to July, when – long story short – I found myself in the emergency room with JB as doctors did every test imaginable to figure out why he was inconsolable and had a fever. (Basically, since JB can’t tell us what hurts, the doctors have to run a bunch of tests to rule out anything super serious. This was the second time this year we’ve been in this situation.) Due to coronavirus restrictions, my husband, Chris, wasn’t allowed to be in the hospital with us, as there was a one-parent-per-patient rule. (We traded places the next morning.)

    I won’t say much about the ER visit or subsequent overnight hospital stay, out of respect for JB’s privacy. What I will say, though, is that fortunately JB was discharged the next afternoon with a clean bill of health and a new Star Wars “Rey” teddy bear. (Did he orchestrate this whole visit solely for that bear? We may never know!)

    During those 24-or-so hours I was at the hospital, though, surrounded by all sorts of unknowns, I tried to stay focused on the present. That beeping is just because JB wiggled his blood oxygen monitor off again, I’d tell myself. The nurse isn’t coming right back because it’s close to shift change, not because she found something bad in JB’s test results.

    Was I completely successful in staying calm? HELL NO! I got through it, though, with the help of friends and family texting me encouraging messages throughout the day.

    I often think back to the time we went to the same hospital for a maternity-ward tour as part of our child-birthing classes. I could not stop shaking with fear as we pulled into the parking lot. “I can’t go in,” I told Chris. “I’m too afraid. I hate hospitals!” With Chris’s support, I did muster the courage to go in, and seeing that the hospital did not, in fact, look like the constant-dome-of-terror known as Grey Sloan Memorial, I felt relieved.

    Now JB has to visit the hospital several times a year for procedures, tests, and the occasional overnight stay. He’s already used to seeing his “helpers” wearing masks. It’s a normal part of his life, of so many other kids’ lives, and of so many other parents’ lives.

    Now that I think about it, maybe JB isn’t the only one who’s grown.

    Maybe us adults can be pretty resilient, after all.

    Recent posts

  • Months in review: March and April 2020

    It feels weird using the word “awesome” to describe these past two months in the Twilight Zone known as quarantine. It feels so weird, in fact, that I actually started writing this piece for March, and then chickened out, feeling that it would be tone deaf and too frivolous. So, for the time being, let’s just call this “Months in Review”.

    I think we could all use some entertainment suggestions right now. Here is a super-sized list of things that either distracted me or made me feel a little more like “me” over the past two months, even with all of the craziness going on. (You’ll notice there are no books on this list. I’m putting together a special post on favorite reads later this month.)

    What I’ve been watching:

    Some Good News: John Krasinski is a national treasure. The latest proof of this indisputable fact is a gem of a weekly YouTube series entitled Some Good News, in which Jim Halpert himself shares uplifting videos and stories and makes people’s dreams come true through a mix of celebrity appearances, charitable donations, and awesome events like prom and graduation. Keep making your fellow attractive Polish New Englanders proud, JKras!

    Community:  Community is finally on Netflix, folks! This super snarky, bizarre sitcom is perfect for quarantine binge watching, because almost every episode parodies a different pop culture genre. You don’t have to watch every episode, or the episodes in order, either. Note: It is a little strange rewatching it now knowing where several of the actors are now. Donald Glover (Troy) is halfway to an EGOT, and the Simba to Beyonce’s Nala. Meanwhile, Joel McHale hosted the absolutely horrifying Tiger King “bonus” episode. (Do not watch that episode. It is far more disturbing that the rest of the series, through no fault of Joel McHale.)

    What I’ve been listening to:

    Niall Horan, Heartbreak Weather: I don’t know much about the guys from One Direction, but I do know two things: 1) Backstreet Boys are still the greatest boy band of all times; and 2) Niall Horan is my favorite 1D member. I absolutely adore this album. It is the perfect blend of 1980’s pop and 2000’s singer/songwriter guitar ballads.

    Mandy Moore, Silver Landings: I’m kind of glad This Is Us finished for the season early on in this quarantine, because I don’t think I could handle that fictional emotional rollercoaster on top of this real-world craziness. Mandy Moore’s Silver Landings album has been a great soundtrack during this time, though. Listening to these songs feels like wearing a flowy dress and floppy hat, and walking through how I picture southern California.

    What I’m playing:

    The Sims 4: Hi, I’m Megan, and I’ve been obsessed with The Sims on and off again for about 20 years (oddly about the same amount of time I’ve been listening to Mandy Moore’s music). When I saw Sims 4 was on sale for only $4.99 last month, I knew I had to have it. If you are unfamiliar with the franchise, I’ll put it bluntly: This is a computer game where you create and control people and relationships in a borderline-creepy godlike fashion. Some people think it’s funny to make their Sims miserable and suffer. Others (okay, I) always dress their Sims in trendy outfits they themselves would be way too self-conscious to wear, and get a strange sense of satisfaction whenever the characters exercise or do laundry or wash dishes or get a promotion. (See, I’m being indirectly productive!)

    The New York Times Crossword: For my birthday this January, I treated myself to a digital New York Times subscription, complete with the crossword puzzle add-on. Best. Gift. Ever. I love having the puzzles right on my phone to work on if I need a momentary break from the gift/curse of toddler TV programming. And, like the pride I get from my athletic Sims’ achievements, I also feel like I’m getting a bit smarter each time I complete a puzzle!

    What has been giving you a much-needed break during these past few months? I’d love to hear your recommendations!

    And finally, a note to all those who are on the front lines: Thank you. Thank you so much for your bravery, selflessness and resolve. You are the awesome ones right now.

    (Please note: There are affiliate links in the above post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.)

    Image credit: Pexels 

  • This virus has changed everything

    Have these past two weeks been real?

    Take a moment to think about how crazy the things we’ve seen and done lately would seem even a month ago:

    • Fighting with complete strangers over toilet paper and hand sanitizer;
    • Singing aloud while we wash our hands;
    • Checking online for updates on Tom Hanks’ and Idris Elba’s health;
    • Using phrases like “hunker down”, “quarantine,” “social distancing,” and “flatten the curve” not only frequently, but also in an un-ironic fashion;
    • Watching talk-show hosts broadcast from their homes;
    • Having every family, not just those who have chosen to homeschool, suddenly conducting class in their homes for weeks, frantically searching online for lesson plans and craft ideas;

    Let me put this into perspective another way. Guys, I live in Massachusetts. Tom Brady left the New England Patriots last week, and it wasn’t even that day’s biggest news story. He’s been with them for 19 seasons. Heck, he’s a football player that I actually know the name of – that’s how you know he’s a cultural icon!

    Kidding aside, though, I won’t lie – this has been a frightening time. It feels like we are all preparing for some big storm, but without a definite “start” and “stop” time. We all bought the bread and milk. Schools are closed. So when is the snow day getting here? Is it coming in a day, week, month, year?

    In many ways, it feels like 9/11: The unknowing, the eerie absence of live TV shows and sporting events, few if any planes flying overhead, and the sense that everything has changed forever, while things may immediately look the same.

    There’s a difference though – when 9/11 occurred I was a teen, a student, “protected” by a force field of teachers and parents and other adults. Now I am the adult, and a parent to a child with complex medical needs who is especially vulnerable to getting sick.

    I’m trying to stay levelheaded, vigilant and prepared without sliding into hysteria. The anxiety I’ve lived with most of my life is still there, only now others seem to have these fears, too. (Don’t these other people know I’m supposed to be able to lean on them for reassurance? How can I do that if they are also scared or vulnerable? How rude!)

    There are a few things I’ve been doing to stay somewhat calmer over the past week. I wanted to share with you, as I know it’s a difficult time for everyone right now.

    • I’ve been talking to friends and family more over the phone and via FaceTime, rather than relying solely on texting. Folks, we need all the human connection we can get right now (WHILE MAINTAINING SOCIAL DISTANCING), and hearing a voice or seeing a face of someone you care about can make a real difference.
    • Coffee makes everything better. I’ve been making and drinking more coffee at home now, and I purchased a gift card to my favorite local coffee shop to support them now when they need it.
    • Never underestimate the power of a sheet mask for your face. Seriously, they cost under $4, they are mess-free, they are individually sealed and packaged, and you can put one on and feel pampered for 20 minutes. Pro tip: When you wear glasses over your sheet mask, you can recreate the Mr. Napkinhead scene from The Holiday. Or not. Your choice.
    • Now is the time for comfort TV. If you need to take a break and watch three hours (or three seasons) of The Office to calm your nerves, this is the perfect time to do so. I personally have been feeling a bit stir crazy, so I’m watching travel shows on Netflix when I need a break from my pals at Dunder Mifflin.
    • I’ve been keeping busy by taking on extra freelance writing assignments. I found that I can manage my anxiety a bit better by choosing what news topics I want to know more about, such as individuals and organizations helping others during this crisis. Mister Rogers said, “Look for the helpers,” so that’s what I’m doing.

    If you have any ideas for staying calm right now, feel free to share in comments or on Facebook!

    Image credit: Pexels 

    Recent posts

  • Give me a break

    I needed a break.

    The last time I had spent more than a day away from JB was in October 2017, when I went on a 72-hour business trip to Maryland.

    Since then, I’ve been in constant “mom mode”: Troubleshooting middle-of-the-night feeding pump error messages, working with JB on his never-ending list of therapy exercises, shuttling JB from one doctor appointment to another, and walking around with a patent-pending mix of dry shampoo and baby food in my hair. (Sephora, call me if you want to start selling this!)

    Kendra Adachi of The Lazy Genius Collective, one of my favorite bloggers/podcasters, says, “Self-care is anything that makes you feel more like yourself.”

    The truth is, since my shift to staying at home full time with JB, I really haven’t felt much like myself. Don’t get me wrong: I know how important it is for his health and his therapy that I am home with him, and I love spending time with him. But it is exhausting at times.

    I know other people are going through far harder things, and that my husband and I are fortunate to have a fantastically involved family to help us in countless ways. But I also knew that, for me, in my situation at this exact moment, I needed to step away for a few days before I lost myself even more.

    That’s where A Mother’s Rest came in.

    Back in February, someone in a special needs parenting Facebook group I belong to shared a link to A Mother’s Rest. The organization’s mission is “to improve the emotional and physical health of caregivers through proactive, affordable, restorative respite opportunities.” The group works with bed and breakfasts throughout the country to provide low-cost getaways for parents and families who care for loved ones with disabilities or special needs.

    I came across the link at the perfect time. I was upset because we had to leave early from a rare date night out because JB pulled out his feeding tube. I felt like I wasn’t meant to ever have a moment to myself again. I knew I better start planning this trip now. I signed up the next morning, before I could talk myself out of it. I selected a May weekend at a picturesque little inn in Maine. It was far enough away I wouldn’t be tempted to drive back and bail out if feeling guilty about being away, but it wasn’t too far that I couldn’t drive the handful of hours home in case of an emergency.

    Over the next few months, I had this weekend to look forward to. Whenever I was at my wits’ end, I reminded myself “weekend in Maine, weekend in Maine”.

    Honestly, the weekend couldn’t have come at a better time.

    We’ve been eyeballs deep in house hunting, along with working with the school systems and JB’s various therapists to start the preschool enrollment process. We also added several new medical specialists to JB’s team, resulting in additional appointments. Basically, it has been chaos.

    And I was able to step away from it all (okay, most of it) during my weekend away in early May.

    I read. I doodled. I slept. I shopped. I met up with friends. I ate my weight in fried clams. I watched Law & Order: SVU marathons. (If that doesn’t sound relaxing or entertaining to you, I’d argue you aren’t watching the right episodes. May I suggest the greatest SVU episode of ALL TIME?)

    Since it was a B&B, I had someone making me breakfast each morning, and asking me if there was anything I needed. The innkeepers – some of the kindest people I’ve ever met – had even set up complimentary massages for us! (Another special-needs mom was also at the inn that weekend.)

    I’d love to say my weekend away magically solved everything. That I came back refreshed and revived and never worried about anything else again. That would be a lie, though. Remember, this is real life.

    The following week was possibly the most stressed I’ve been in years, thanks to house-related drama. (I’m beginning to wonder if the people on House Hunters aren’t all actually horrible people as I originally thought, but it’s just the process that makes them seem insufferable.) But I genuinely believe the relief from my weekend away made it possible to even attempt putting one foot in front of the other during those emotional few days. I knew there was still a tiny piece of me that was “me” inside, and I needed to remind myself of that as often as necessary.

    Simply put: My time away helped me power through when I felt as trapped as a gibbon in a basketball. And if you had watched that SVU episode I mentioned earlier, you would be laughing right now, nodding in agreement with that profound reference. You are welcome.

    Recent posts